Does this make my bum look big?

Science to the rescue!

In one of the more humorous stories on tap for the New Year, a team of scientists will be testing whether or not certain clothing really does make a person’s bum look big. Seriously!

IT is one of the greatest female dilemmas and has led generations of women to ask: "Does my bum look big in this?"

Now, a team of researchers from Edinburgh's Heriot-Watt University are launching what is believed to be the world's first scientific study to answer the often asked question of how clothing can affect the appearance of the female rear.

The team, from the university's School of Textiles and Design, based in Galashiels, believe the study could have major implications for retailers.

Female volunteers wearing hundreds of different types of clothing will have their behinds photographed for the research.

Participants will then be asked to look at the pictures to assess how big or small each model's backside appears. The study will examine how various designs, colors, patterns and fabric types affect perception of bottom size.

Tax dollars hard at work! But, on the other hand…it does have practical implications for world peace!

However, the scientists would probably offer more help for married relationships if they also studied this issue: “How should husbands answer the question, ‘Does my bum really look big in this?’” Now that is a question worth pondering!

Grin.

And since there are no scientific studies forthcoming, I think I’ll start my own study. Here. On this blog. In this post!

I am going to boldly go where no one has gone before, and offer beleaguered husbands some answers to “the question,” when it comes. Here, in no particular order, are my best attempts to help. [Caveat: Not responsible for lawsuits or bodily injury which may occur. Use at your own risk!] It could be that these answers will impress her, and help build marital dialogue and relational growth, lol. How should one answer? Some "scientific," sensitive answers as follows, for your benefit and consideration:

• No honey, it doesn’t make your bum look big…it just reflects your magnanimous glory for the world to appreciate!
• No honey, it doesn’t make your bum look big…it’s just that the sparse threads of that garment do not begin to approach the fullness of your impressive expanse!
• Um, [cough, sputter]…gee, honey, now that you mention it, it does make your perfect shape seem a bit, ah, um, obtrusive, shall we say?
• Um…aww, baby, I always did like your conspicuous derriere, and this just makes it all the more conspicuous!
• Aww, baby, you know I’ve never been much on fashion, and this is a true fashion statement which I am not qualified to judge: With your high-fashion-eye, what do you think?
• Oh, no honey, it’s not that it makes your bum look big…it’s just for a second there I thought I was looking at your Aunt Glinda [or, fill in appropriate relation, lol].
• Drum roll…finally, “No baby, it doesn’t make your bum look big…it’s just…why didn’t you tell me we were expecting twins?”

Ladies, please vote as to which response is MLTGMK – “most likely to get me killed,” lol! Remember, this is serious scientific analysis so all of your replies will help resolve the dilemma!

And, of course, this is all intended to generate relation-building dialogue and wholesome discourse! And, with the proper answer used in the precise manner, can easily build the self-esteem of the wife [and perhaps save the life of the husband, lol].

As ever, your altruistic and sensitive blogster,

Loy