Monday, April 23, 2007

Save the planet, lose toilet paper!

The real cause of global warming

For those of you who really care about saving the planet, singer Sheryl Crow has come up with an innovative solution. In weekend comments on her blog, one of her favorite ideas for fighting global warming is the ‘one square per sitting rule’ – trips to the toilet should only take one square of TP, on average! In her words,

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Now, I don’t mind helping the planet, but I just need more info: Sheryl, could you describe those ‘pesky occasions’ where 2 or 3 might be allowed? I really wouldn’t want to overdo it – so please, help me with more information!

lol! More comments here, and a jingle here, lol.

If you care, lose the deodorant too!

In a case of life imitating art, Sheryl is behind the times. A while ago a friend wrote me in the midst of an existential meltdown. He simply asked, “Help me! Should I use deodorant?”

Here is my reply:

I can see why that question, 'Is it ok if I wear deodorant' should cause such existential angst and theological conundrum.

After all, to wear deodorant is to stop the 'natural flow' of things. When one stops the natural flow, he impinges nature. When one impinges nature he adversely affects the environment. When one adversely affects the environment, he risks the planet.

So, it's really an issue of nature and environment!! In our pure ecosystem balanced on such a fine line of natural flow, one cannot wear deodorant without upsetting the cosmic balance!

So, my friend, the only logical conclusion, the only environmentally sensitive answer is to lose the speed stick and SAVE THE PLANET!!!

After all, what are a few offended olfactory senses of fellow humans compared to the health of the planet??

If you really care about the universe, STOP USING DEODORANT NOW! Mother Nature will love you, even though humans may hate you! But some sacrifices have to be made for the good of the universe, lol!

So... there you have it. Save the whales, save the dolphins, save the children, save the future... just lose the deodorant!!

Now, for all you good planet people out there – will you be known by your fruits? er… by your odiferous societal contributions?

Give up the deodorant, give up the TP, and come sail away with me!



Purple Birdie said...

LOL. Let the good "smelly" times roll.

AP said...

The entrepreneur in me is seeing a brand new market for products relating to masking and/or blocking those "olfactory senses" and maybe even for those who are "one square challenged" - no wait, maybe I'll write a book a call it "Living Life One Square at a Time" or what about a photo essay called "Square by Square Across America"


Loy said...

Put down the spreadsheet, AP! Some things you just can't market, lol. Although, one is tempted to slogan for a trip like this: 'Be there or be square' might do... or, 'squarely in the right!' Or, 'slight makes right!'

Gives a whole new perspective to disliking paperwork, too, lol. oh the rolls of punditry!

Cheryl said...

How about using a "Hollywood Square"? Can you find the "secret square"?

Loy said...

lol, no... I admit: I cannot find the secret square!

Please help!


Cheryl said...

You have to remember how to play the game. Wouldn't you agree that just one "Hollywood Square" is enough to clean up everything...even on those "rare occasions" when Ms. Crow said you may need more than one?

Cheryl said...

I know this way, way off base from your message. But, with the day coming up, a memory came to me about an April Fool's day joke-about the Hollywood Squares and John Davidson- which I thought may give you a laugh. Maybe you've already seen it? NO, NO- I am not a game show fanatic...I didn't even watch the show very much. Actually, I saw this joke on the evening news! Would you like me to post it if you don't already know it?